A Pastor's Blog

Time-Out

2010-03-13T09:48:00.000-08:00

The blog is back and this is the first new post in a long time. As many of you know, I ended up hospitalized with pneumonia. As I continue to recover, I've had to think a great deal about how I use my time, manage my time, and care for myself. The regional leadership -- both lay and ordained -- have strongly encouraged the pastors in the Northern Illinois Conference concerning self-care. I appreciate the encouragement and wisdom, support and nurture, care and compassion offered to me and all my pastoral colleagues. It is an important teaching/learning for all of us in ministry regardless of our postion -- pastor for whom ministry is the manner in which they earn their living, lay volunteers for whom ministry is a way to live out their passion, or retired pastors who continue to serve as volunteers within congregations. We all must care for ourselves well in order to offer the care, guidance, oversight, and leadership for our respective ministries.

Yet, here's the "time-out" for today's blog: Self-care isn't the everything. At the Wednesday evening Lenten Supper and Study, we looked at the section of our study entitled "Do good." Rueben Job, the video presenter, reminded us that the primary founder of Methodism, John Wesley, in the week before his own death was on the streets of London begging for money to help assist the poor who came to The Foundary in need. Wesley, himself, died in poverty with just enough resources to pay for his burial. Self-care and selflessness: How can they stand side-by-side in the Christian tradition? and in particular in United Methodism? and in our North American culture in general?

I don't think I have answers to all those questions. I am convinced, though, that we have misled ourselves about self-care. Part of the conversation at the Lenten Supper and Study was about raising children in our present cultural climate. We all agreed it was difficult; children and youth today face a more difficult journey than we would describe for ourselves; and the pressures of "the American lifestyle" have dramatically changed. We pointed at technology in the discussion, but didn't blame technology. There are other pressures: competition for time, competition for college admission, participation in sport .. the list goes on and on.

I have spent a good amount of time considering what I've heard and learned. At the heart of this matter is the heart of the individual and the heart of the family in which our children are raised. I think today, perhaps moreso than at any other time in history other than at the decline of the Roman Empire, we have indulged ourselves to the point of loosing clarity. We indulge ourselves with the myth of "if it feels good do it." We have indulged ourselves with the myth of "more is better." We have indulged ourselvse with the myth of "less government is better government." We have indulged ourselves with the myth of "the government should do something about this." We have, as did the emergent middle class of the Roman Empire, indulged ourselves.

Where are our hearts? In the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew's gospel, Jesus says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also. " (Matt. 6:19-21 NRSV) This is followed by two powerful verses on "The Sound Eye" in which Jesus talks about the eye as the lamp of the body filling us with either light or darkness. Immediately after that, the famous Matt. 6:24 is pronounced: "No one can serve two masters; a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth." Immediately after this, Jesus gives the less often quoted passage about not to worry because God provides for the birds who do not plant, harvest, or store up for themselves -- if God provides for them, won't God also provide for you? (Matt. 6:25-34). This passage is powerful! Where are our hearts? I think if we measure them against this unit (Matt. 6:19-34), we will discover they are not with God or God's reign! We have deceived (indulged) ourselves to the point that we have lost sight of what it is to be in ministry -- both lay and ordained! We have lost sight of what it is to be the people called Methodist within the Christian family! We have lost sight of what is important as people.

Now, if I stopped there, that's a very grim and judgmental picture! THANKS BE TO GOD, that's not all there is! I don't have answers to the questions being raised in Washington, D. C. or Springfield about the budget crisis and economic problems the nation faces. However, I do believe a large portion of those issues are related to having lost sight of what is important. Employment must be encouraged. Healthcare must be provided for all. A safety net must be in place for the least (the poor) among us. We must care for our elderly (widows and orphans). We must educate our children and ourselves to the highest standard. We must provide a stong national defense. I don't know what the path through that "dark forest" is. Yet, this blog post isn't about the state of our nation, but I think the state of the nation is related to where we are individually and as families.

Thanks be to God for those who claim the name Christian and Methodist, and United Methodist inparticular, we have something in our "Wesleyan DNA" which can guide us back. The "General Rules of Our United Societies" give us three simple principles by which to live: Do no harm; Do good; Stay in love with God. As Rueben Job implied in his video presentation this week, staying in love with God is the key. I am convinced we have have not remained in love with God. We have spent so much time "loving ourselves," we have forgotten the very first part of that statement when Jesus summarizes all the Law and the prophets -- "love your neighbor AS you love yourself." This is a very high standard. I don't want to love the others as I love myself. It's my sinful human nature. I want to love me and let the rest take care of themselves. However, that is not Good News -- that is not Gospel! Gospel is when I love someone else, even a stranger, the way I love myself. Why would I do this? Because even when God was a stranger to me, God loved me by providing for my well-being which includes Jesus Christ suffering and dieing as I do and becoming the ensign that I too, like him, will have new life. I too shall be raised from the dead. How can I listen to this powerful witness in all of Christian Scripture and not want, at least, to explore what and to know something about this God who loves me even when I am a stranger?

The Good News is that God has provided for us -- and provided many ways to explore and know the depth, breadth, and height of God's love for us. As I explore and know more and more about God, the less and less I think of myself. The more I explore and know of God, and God's love for me, the more I love God in return! I love God with all that I am, and that is not enough! Yet, that is all God asks of any of us -- to stay in love and grow in that love. The struggles we face as individuals, families, the people called Methodist, and as a nation can be addressed if we will but turn to the One who loves us when we are strangers; turn to the One who has never turned from us; turn to the One who provides for us even when we are ungrateful; turn to the One who out of love suffers and dies with us and promises that our death will be transformed to new life. Then this One, does something audacious -- God asks us to live in the world in that same self-giving manner!

In this movement of God toward us, and then in our movement toward others, self-care and selflessness come together, lives are transformed, and disciples of Jesus Christ are made. The grim picture painted at the beginning is true in our sinfulness. The hope-filled and transformed pcitured painted at the end only happens when we engage one simple rule, "stay in love with God."

Holiday Blues

2009-12-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

It's pretty common for folks to feel "blue" or "down" at the holidays. This is particularly true if someone has had a significant loss in the previous year -- the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the loss of a home, the loss of location (i.e. -- moving from "home" to a new geographic location), and a myriad of similar losses. Along with the decreased amount of sunlight, economic tensions facing individuals and families, and what I perceive as a general "crankiness" in the nation in general, I'm not suprised that this year folks are feeling the "holiday blues."

First, let me remind my readers that this is a common experience. When there is a signficant loss in someone's life, the holidays become more difficult. We throw holiday parties and make them "couples" events (even if we don't intend that to happen). We use images of people together in household settings or some type holiday gathering from a meal to shopping. The list can go on and on. The point is two-fold.

For Those With The Holiday Blues
If you're struggling with holiday blues, you're not alone. Faith Church is offering a support group -- a place to be with others experiencing what you're experiencing. Yes, just a little advertising of the group but if coming to a group isn't for you (and it's not for everyone), here are some thoughts.

It's very easy to slip into our own lives and our own homes trying to block out the feelings. We can also slip into addictive behavior -- drinking too much, the use of prescription medication in appropriately, the use of illegal drugs, over eating, over shopping, spending too much time gambling, or engaging in heightened sexual activity are just a few examples of how this can express its self.

Rest and enough/proper sleep, excercise, a nutritious diet, and limiting caffine, sugar, and alcohol consumption are key in this struggle. Also, interaction with folks which is not related to work is important. If you are retired, and/or have limited ability to get out and about (e.g. -- no driver's license, don't drive after dark, or something similar), correspond with a friend or family you haven't had contact. Obviously, if you're reading this blog, you have a computer or access to one -- send an email to someone. Although my preferred method is good old fashioned pen and paper. Take the time to set down and actually hand write a letter to someone. There's something important in the discipline that handwritting a letter requires -- it forces us to stop, slow down, and focus our attention in a way which is different from working at a computer screen. There's something very "soulful" about writing a letter. You might even write a letter to the person you're missing, the place from which you moved, the job you lost, or the pet which used to keep you company.

This time of year the emotions of grief become strong, heightened, and sometimes "come out sideways." We can grieve the loss of a loved one, home, job, place, pet ... or the loss of feeling that deep intimate connection of friendship with someone or even the loss of an ability. Why we grieve isn't important. THAT we grieve is important. It is a normal, natural human response to loss of any kind. The important part is figuring out how to give meaning to the memories while at the same time not letting the grief take over.

To give meaning to memories is to ask some very fundamental questions: Did I do enough for my pet? Are there unresolved issues with the person who died? Could I have worked harded and kept my job? "What could I have done differently?" is often the question behind the messages we send ourselves. We spend allot of time double guessing ourselves maybe even thinking we are a failure in what we have done. Giving meaning to the memories is about looking at the memory from all the different angles realizing that the one perspective we bring to something isn't the ONLY way to understand that memory or even the "correct" way to understand it. (I'm not really sure there is a "correct" way to understand a memory; rather we have to be open to the possibility that we are looking at a memory not from the intent but from our own internalized messages which may or may not have something to do with the memory. I have to stop on this rabbit track -- I'll blog about that at another time.) What I'm saying is this: Guilt, blame, and shame are powerful; assign them to your memories carefully. My own experience is that when I use guilt, blame, and shame to understand my memories, I end up in a cycle beating myself up and/or blaming others which isn't useful or helpful. Guilt, blame, and shame simply reinforce what I want to believe not necessarily what is.

We can become stuck in our grieving. BUT remember people grieve at their own speed. In six months you may have fully grieved, but your spouse or office mate may take 18 to 24 months to grieve the exact same thing. Give yourself, and others, the permission they need to be where they are in grieving and encourage yourself, and others, to continue the process. This may even take specialized work with a therapist. Grieve at your own pace and allow others to grieve at theirs.

For Those Around Those With The Holiday Blues
Being a friend to those with the "holiday blues" is very important. We all need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent our anger, or someone to set with us in silence.

What I hear from those around those with the holiday blues, or going to a funeral visitation this time of year, is this: I wouldn't know what to say. First, just admit the truth -- you don't know. Secondly, be there! I have asked many people over the years if they remember what was said to them during a funeral visitation. Very few will recall a specific conversation. However they will recall who was there. They will recall the family, friends, and colleagues who gathered to surround and support them in a difficult time. This is true even when the grief is older.

I worked with a woman who had lost a son during World War 2, her husband at Thanksgiving 40 years later, and a daughter in the 1990's. Folks were always careful around her at the holidays. They tried to avoid talking about the son, husband, and daughter at all during the holidays. The woman would break into tears easily. What most folks didn't realize is that by NOT talking about the son, husband, and daughter this particular woman felt as if folks were minimizing her loss and minimizing her son, husband, and daughter. She didn't realize folks were just uncomfortable with her emotional expressions especially since the rest of the time she was a very stoic character! Folks didn't realize that she needed her friends to acknowledge how deep she felt the loss of these three important individuals in her life. Listening more than talking is key here. Don't worry about "what to say," just tell the truth about how you feel and listen with an open heart to those experiencing loss. Most folks want to talk about and celebrate what they have lost. They want to cherish their loved ones, take pride in work they have done, or feel the safety and security a familiar location provides. Don't be afraid to talk about any of these; most importantly encourage those struggling with the holiday blues to do the talking -- you do the listening!

When I served down state, one of the congregations I served had a number of divorced women as members. I thought nothing of it until I realized what that group of friends offered one another. They would gather, particularly on New Year's Eve, for a party. No men allowed. I found out later that they were telling the stories of the good times and the difficult times with the ex-husbands. They didn't have advice for each other but they offered support to one another. That's all folks really want/need -- someone they can depend on ... even if only for a few weeks, a day, a hour, or even for a few minutes. Don't worry about what to say, just be present; that is what is remembered.

Celebrations

2009-12-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

I hear lots of criticisms this time of year about Christians adopting pagan traditions associated with the winter solstice. I'll hear those similar criticisms again around Easter and the spring solstice.

Yes, it is true that Christians in the anceint world adapted festivals associated with solstice celebrations in pagan cultures. And some pagan traditions have continued within the Christian community -- an evergreen tree brought inside and decoated, the giving and receiving of presents, images of rabbits and eggs (at Easter), and so forth. It's a common and natural thing for Christian faith to adapt already existing cultural celebrations, re-interprete them for the Christian message, and to continue to celebrate a long-standing cultural expression but with a Christian understanding and meaning. I think anytime anyone wants to critic Christian tradition for the adaption of pagan culture to it's own purpose has seriously misunderstood Christian tradition and faith.

Marcus Bosch in his book Theology of Mission says very clearly that "the Gospel is at home in every culture and every culture is at home in the Gospel." Of course Christians adapt already existing cultural expressions; it's a smart way to share the good news of Jesus Christ and God's redeeming love shown and expressed in Jesus. Why re-invent the wheel? Rather let's take what people are going already and re-think how what they are doing could be a vehicle for the Gospel!
There is no attempt to "hide" or eliminate older pagan traditions this way. It is a way to tell the good news in a way people can hear the message. Alas, we are all too often surrounded by folks who want to simply snipe. This points to something which is very concerning to me.

Christian faith is not something to be consumed; it is something to be lived. While I do care which community of faith with which someone associates (and that's a different conversation), Christian faith is not a commodity like corn, soybeans, bread, milk, or canned green beans. Christiand faith is first and foremost a way of life. All too often the "way of life" conversation has been about dancing or not dancing, drinking or not drinking, smoking or not smoking, loving the opposite gender and not loving the same gender sexually, and so forth and so on. Paul, in his letter to the Colossians says it this way:

So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set you minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth, for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry). On account of these the wrath of God is coming on thsoe who are disobedient. Thse are the ways you also once followed, when you were living that life. But now you must get rid of all such things -- anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices, and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator. In that renewal there is no longer Greek or Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythina, slave and free; but Christ is all in all! (Colossians 3:1-11)

Being a Christian isn't a commodity to be bought and sold, appropriated when convenient, or "used" as a "best option" at a particular moment. Being a Christian is responding to God's eternal "yes" to each of us and all of us together. Being a Christian is more than being a good person. Being a Christian is about having a relationship with God through Jesus Christ! As Christians, we no longer distinguish between male and female, citizen or immigrant, straight or gay, rural or urban, blue collar and white collar, and so forth. For the Christian, Christ is all in all.

My hope is that while we continue to live in the present cultural adaption of Christmas with presents, Santa Claus, and all that type stuff, we never loose sight that as Christians Christmas is a celebration of both the historical reality of God's coming among us in the person, life, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus who is the Christ AND a celebration of his coming again for which we wait. It is part of the biblical promise that he [Jesus the Christ] is coming to us, again, in a little while.

The sentiment is nice -- keep Christ in Christmas. I would rather someone said what is more true: Keep Christ in our hearts and in our living every day.

Technology is Great! BUT ....

2009-12-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

I hurried into Chicago yesterday for an appointment. I hurried home after that appointment to make sure I was present in Genoa for another appointment. I hurried today to go to the church after telephone appointments this morning. I hurried to DeKalb for an appointment with a colleague this afternoon. Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

What did we used to do? What was life like before cell phones, the internet, and all the other ways we have become constantly available to one another?

As I was thinking about that very question, I struck me that we were actually more available to one another before the days of constant availability.

Don't get me wrong, I like the level of availability afforded to us today with all the advances in technology. I like being able to conduct business through a conference call and email. I like being able to video conference with folks from around the country and even from around the world. I like the availability technology provides us. I don't like how "unavailable" we have become.

When I was trained as a hospital chaplain, one of the most important lessons taught, and still taught, is about being available. It's not just about showing up when paged or visiting in the hospital room, clinical setting, or the like. Rather being available is about being aware of what's going on with ourselves enough to "quiet the voices" in our minds and hearts which distract us. It's about knowing that when the person speaking to us, telling us something deep and moving from their heart, we are listening fully rather than listening to them in appearance while writing our grocery list in our heads or worrying about our own concerns.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! I think, has made us less available -- truly available -- to one another. I think it's a wise idea that cell phones and similar devises are turned off and put away during meal times. I think it's a good idea to let things set sometimes -- We don't have to respond to text messages and email immediately. We don't even have to respond to voice mail immediately!

We've become to "immediate" with our communication and availability, we have forgotten what I think is most important to communication -- being available in mind/body, and soul to those seeking a little of our time.

I hear the generation ahead of me confounded by the amount of texting and the like the generations after me do. Will the day actually appear that folks "go to church" by logging onto a website? It might. Will pastoral care be provided through email and online chat rooms? It already is!

The nature and place of ministry is rapidly changing along with the manner in which we communicate with one another. Yet, being fully available is the key to all of this.

I don't mind that the younger generations text, blog, and all that. I just hope we are also teaching them the value of true availability so that they can continue the work of compassion started by Jesus, continued through centuries by Jesus, and lived out by Faith Church now can continue with vigor and vitality. Technology is great! BUT nothing can replace a friend, a pastor, even a stranger, being fully present with us and to us, listening with every ounce of their being, to the joy or the pain we need to share. Technology which does this -- allows me to be fully present, fully available -- when there is a need .. this is what makes technology great (although being able to pull up the movies playing three towns over 'cause I don't like the ones playing here is good too -- but I'll still take a person who listens with compassion over a machine.)

Frustrations & Insights

2009-11-03T12:43:00.000-08:00

I've not blogged in a few months for lots of reasons, primarily that other blog site I was using turned out not to be free after all! So, I've set up this new blog account here at blogger.com.

I'm calling this entry "frustrations & insights" because that's what I am today -- frustrated and having insights.

Lots of things pass across my desk each day -- mail, requests, paperwork, pastoral care needs, spilled coffee, candy, magazines; you get the picture. It's overwhelming sometimes. Most of the time, it's not bad.

Today, some things passed across my desk which just make me want to pull my hair out. In order to keep the covenant of confidentiality and pastoral privilage, I won't go into detail. It would be a breech of professional ethics, my ordination vows, and embarrassing to those involved. Needless to say, I sat at my desk thinking to myself, "I can't believe I'm hearing this."

We all have our own likes, dislikes, preferences, tastes, and the like. We all know (I hope) what we can and can't do, or aren't willing to do. For me, when those type things start to interfer with the mission and ministry of the congregation, I become very frustrated. It's not that I'm criticizing folks for being who they are, rather I'm simply amazed at how often we don't think beyond ourselves. Ok, if you yourself aren't willing to do something have you ever considered asking someone else to do it? We so very often become narrow in our considerations. I'm as much as fault with this as anyone else, but appreciate being reminded that I don't have to do this or that -- maybe all I need to do is ask someone else to do it or to provide someone else an opportunity to volunteer. Folks are waiting and wanting to be asked to do things -- we just need to ask!

Over the last several months, I have been in an on-going conversation with a colleague. At first I believed my colleague and I were just having trouble communicating with one another. That happens from time to time: We like the person but for whatever reason we are missing each others point and perspective on a topic. As I've continued to work with and converse with my colleague, I've become very frustrated. I hate to say it, but sometimes no matter how well intentioned or good hearted someone is (and I believe my colleague is well intention and good hearted) they really just can't see the forest for the trees. What frustrates me the most about this is I have finally decided my colleague will never see the forest which is very sad.

I have to turn this around as well: Do I spend too much time not asking others to do something or not offer folks the opportunity to volunteer? Do I miss the forest for the trees? I think the answer is "yes" to both of them. So what do I do? First off, I have to realize that I haven't asked, haven't offered, and haven't seen the forest. At the same time I have to spend time stepping back to look at the whole situation. Ron Heifitz in his book Leadership Without Easy Answers describes these as "balcony moments." Balcony moments are both in-the-moment insights as well as intentionally planned times for reflection. For me, todays frustrations have provided opportunity for in-the-moment insights.

I'm seeing clearly that one of the things I need to do as the pastor of Faith Church is to become very intentional about setting aside "balcony time" again. I haven't done it enough in the last two years; I think it's showing. I'm also very clear that one of the challenges for me as I continue to lead this congregation is that I need to encourage volunteers for the purpose of engaging volunteers -- a "Faith Corps" or something like that. Folks who are willing to volunteer to make telephone calls, stuff and fill envelops, fold things, and the like. Sometimes we become all too complacent, or think things will just happen (and they mostly do in the life of a congregation). But without intentionally nurturing these opportunities and activities, we miss a significant opportunity to nurture faithful disciples of Jesus Christ. Finally, I'm absolutely clear that no matter how well-intentioned or good-hearted someone or something is, maybe what they perceive as their calling or skill-set really isn't. It's hard to say to folks, "I love you but ... " especially when they are well-intentioned and good-hearted. It must be done sometimes.

I don't think there's anything particularly ground breaking in what I've written today. It's more of a reminder that we all walk a precarious tightrope in volunteer organizations like churches. It's difficult to keep our balance on that tightrope, but with grace (God's grace) we can walk it. My hope is we can walk it together.